Playing God
by m-is-for-MollyMansfieldMealing
Summary: Alfred is dying, and the only way he will go as a contented man is if Connie Beauchamp helps him. But after pouring her troubles out to Charlie, what will she choose? Her own happiness or that of a dying soul? (What I like to think would have happened after Connie shut the door last night) :D


**So this is just a quick one-shot based on yesterday's episode (which I loved in a very sad way). It's what I like to think happened after Connie shut the door at the very end of the episode :D I know he ends up in the hospital next week but shh ;) **

**Anyway, I hope you enjoy (I nearly cried when I wrote this because I could just see it happening in my mind) and reviews would be lovely if you can :D -Sophie x**

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_"__You can't ask me to do that Alfred, that's really not fair- you can't ask me to play God!"_

The words rang in her mind like the incessant chiming of church bells as she let the door fall shut with a soft click. The silence inside his room was overpowering, interrupted only by his oxygen machine and the loud thumping of Connie's heart. She slowly made her way to his bedside, sitting down on the uncomfortable green chair that had been like her second home for the last month.

He lay staring up at the ceiling, eyes wide open yet still unseeing. Alfred Maxwell had become a shell of the man he was once before; a man Connie looked up to and admired throughout her cardiothoracic career and beyond. Now he lay in front of her, so useless and so sick of having to rely upon others that he had asked his beloved friend to help him end his life.

The clinical lead was torn; torn between ridding him of this misery and letting him drift away in a manner of his choosing. Or refusing, point blank. As Charlie had enlightened her, Alfred wasn't the one who had to live with the consequences; she was, and as the nurse had told her, they wouldn't just be physical, like prison; but emotional and mental too.

_"__If this is what you decide, it will stay with you, always."_

But looking at him from where she sat, this poor, lovely, innocent man, she knew what she had to do. She knew she had to help him, he deserves to choose his own manner of death at least, having been through all of this.

Connie moved her hand to the pocket of her coat and felt the outline of the little card box containing the pills necessary to end his life. He must have known what she was thinking as he moved his eyes so they fell upon her. She looked at him and smiled slightly, before looking down to her feet.

"I've been thinking about what you asked me earlier." She said quietly, fiddling with a nail. He kept his eyes in the same place, except he blinked twice. The nurse on the way in said this was his way of saying "yes". One blink was "no" and closing his eyes briefly was "I don't know". Connie shifted in her seat.

"I talked it over with Charlie Fairhead. He's been in the same boat, he knows what I'm going through and what it entails. On the surface he tried to put me off, but I knew he was telling me to trust my instincts, go with my gut feeling. He said it was hard, when he did it for his friend, because they were so close. He said it would be easier for me, but I don't think so."

She bit her lip slightly, looking to where he lay avidly listening to every word she said. He blinked twice again, and she carried on.

"I've known you for what, three or four weeks? Personally, but I've admired you and your work for years. Getting to know you has been a dream come true, and you really have been a true friend. I don't know if you regard me as your friend but…" She trailed off as yet again, he blinked twice. Connie smiled and placed her hand on his.

"From my time in the ED I've learnt that friends are always there for each other, whenever they need them. And you need me now more than ever Alfred, don't you."

Her voice quietened as his eyes became bleary and he blinked a "yes", a lone tear spilling down the side of his face. Connie took a tissue from the box on his bedside and wiped it away.

"There. No tears now, don't make it harder than it already is." She whispered, looking upwards quickly as she felt her eyes begin to prick. The retired surgeon looked towards the letter sheet and notepad before back to Connie. She realised what he wanted and picked them up, running the pen along the laminated sheet. He winked, and she began writing the letters down.

Once he had finished, it read;

_"__You are a dear soul. Thank you, Connie, for having a heart."_

The woman sniffed as she read it and smiled, bottom lip beginning to shake.

"Some would disagree with that statement." Her voice shook and folded the paper up quickly and slipped it in her pocket, pulling out the box of tablets once she had done so.

"Now," She sniffed again, "I'll dissolve these in some water and pour it into your tube, ok? It should take a few minutes or so for the… effects, to kick in. You should be gone within another 5." Finally hearing these words, Alfred's eyes lit up. Connie's however, saddened.

"Are you entirely sure you want to do this?" her voice was barely a whisper, pleading with him to change his mind and spare her the heartache. The man still blinked twice however. She couldn't go back on her word now; it was time.

Connie emptied all the tablets from the box into a glass, and filled it using water from her bottle and a shaking hand. The woman stirred it until the mixture was cloudy and the small, white capsules had dissolved.

"Ready?" She tried to make her voice optimistic, but it came out more fake than she expected. Another pair of blinks, and she took a deep breath before removing the lid from his liquids tube, and pouring the deadly mixture in.

As she watched the amount fall, she grasped his hand with hers and cupped his face with her other.

"I'm going to miss you." Her voice cracked and the tears began to fall, dripping onto the man's bed sheets. He looked towards the letter sheet again, and she quickly wiped her cheeks before picking it up, letting him wink slowly as the medication kicked in. His last message read;

"Don't miss me. Remember me, Connie Beauchamp."

By the time he had finished, his heart rate was already slowing at a rapid pace. Connie was now crying beyond her control, the tears coming thick and fast as she held the note to her chest.

"I will always remember you. You'll never be forgotten, I promise." Her words were drowned out by his heart monitor going off, and she quickly stood before kissing his cheek as he slipped away.

"Goodbye Alfred." She sobbed as two nurses rushed in, one ushering Connie out and into reception. She took no notice of the woman's kindly words, and instead looked towards the door to his room, tears continuing to spill down her cheeks.

He was gone, yes, but he was finally free.


End file.
